Busy. Busy is good. I like busy. When I'm busy, it means my mind's focussed on something happening right here and now, ergo I'm not thinking about how much I miss home/sixth form/the awesome summer holiday that has now well and truly finished. Being busy means that now, when I'm walking back from a seminar or a lecture, I'm thinking about that thing I have to read, or that essay I have to write, or the things I'm writing for fun, or that agonising pain in my leg that WILL NOT STOP from Quidditch (oh yeah, I play Quidditch now... Quidditch is cool). And I like thinking about those things (well, maybe not the Quidditch pain so much) because before I had all this stuff to keep my mind busy, those walks back to the flat were the worst part of any day. Why? Because I was alone and with nothing pressing on my mind, so my mind naturally wandered back to "I miss home" and "Okay, this has been sort of fun, now when does everything go back to how it was this time last year?"
I mean, I am enjoying uni. Like I said, playing Quidditch is brilliant, and I do get on with the people here, the course is great and I'm actually quite enjoying the whole independence thing. But it's so easy to feel cut off from everything. I can't just pop downstairs and speak to my family, or go out on my bike to some familiar place, or meet up with my friends at the weekend. And don't start with all this 'making new friends' nonsense - I have people I get on with here, but my real friends, the ones I will remain friends with for the rest of my life, are the ones I already had from my school days. It's weird - yes, these uni people are friends of a sort, but I still feel like I have to put on the 'sociable Andy' persona for them. With my friends from back home, I'm just myself. Though I can't stand this book, the best way I can think of putting this is to take (roughly) the words of Wuthering Heights - whatever our souls are made of, theirs and mine are the same (and these uni people's are as different as a moonbeam from lightning, if you want me to continue paraphrasing that soppy eighteenth century soap opera). The point is, in that big old group of friends, we're practically a hive mind! Everyone has their different 'areas of expertise' and such, sure, but generally you would have a very difficult time finding the differences between our mindsets. Whereas with this uni lot, I can talk to them and have a laugh, but there is no deep telepathic connection held together by years' worth of in-jokes and mad adventures!
But enough of that. I'm not focussing on that. I'm being busy. I have finally, somehow, found the energy to start writing again! And I'm doing something different this time. I'm trying an experimental new writing style, which is proving both fun and a little bit daunting. And once I'm done with this thing I'm writing now, I have many, many other things to be getting on with. As far as I'm concerned, now is 'go time'! I'm a writer and it's time I got writing and started doing something with said writing. Someone asked me yesterday what I wanted to do if I couldn't become a writer. To which I fumbled my way through some boring answer about getting a proper job, as if that's something I have any intention of doing. Of course, what I should have said was "Well, I AM a writer. It's not just a career choice, it's my entire being. It shapes the very way in which I see the world, in which I understand everything; my whole mind exists on the foundation of writing and fiction and the greater truths that can only be conveyed through the art of imagining stories that transcend the boundaries of reality." But he was Russian and didn't know English that well, so I didn't. Though this is another example of just how close I am with my friends and how much I need them for inspiration/motivation in my writing. This guy from my flat falls into the very large and misguided group of people who will ask me "What if you can't get a job as a writer?". My friends, on the other hand, fall into the smaller but clearly much more well-informed group of people who would say things like "When you're a famous writer working with the BBC, you will need to contact us so that we can work together on a comedy series!". And it doesn't bother me in the slightest that the group of people who don't say "If it doesn't work out..." is a much smaller group - I read a brilliant tweet about such things the other day, which said "Hitler had millions of followers, Jesus had twelve". Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus, but I am godlike and I did get some very weird/useless gifts when I was born... Just saying! (Myrrh? What were they thinking?)
So, that's that. Writing. Writing is a thing that I am doing once more! And I intend to do as much as possible today and tomorrow, before giving myself a break from all this uni madness when I head home this weekend and get to actually spend time with my family, in my home, with my room and my bed! And in a town that doesn't view the wheel as a recent technological breakthrough...
Thursday, October 10, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
The University Chronicles Begin!
It was going to take something pretty big to get me blogging again. Leaving home for the first time and moving into uni? Yeah, that should do. I know the point of this blog was once to blog about writing, but from now on I need somewhere I can write about university and how mad this all is, so that's what's happening here from now on! Besides, I'm here to study English Literature with Creative Writing, so the writing stuff will still be here! And I'm still working on a million writing projects, so maybe I will get back to writing about writing as well.
Anyway. It's now Day Two. I was going to write this post yesterday, but everything so far has been pretty hectic and yesterday was filled with setting up everything in my room and meeting new people. There were a few very strange moments, where this all suddenly became very real. The first one I remember was actually back home in Milton Keynes, when we were on the road and we finally left the smaller roads behind for the big main roads. (Not quite motorways, but you know the ones I mean - the roads you're only going to end up on if you're going out of town. You can tell I don't drive.) There was a moment where I realised we were leaving behind the narrower and cosier roads, surrounded by familiar buildings, and heading out into the world. And I wouldn't be coming back that night. To make the moment even more poignant, as soon as we did get onto the open road, 'The Final Countdown' started to play on my MP3 player (yeah, not iPod - suck it, Apple!). You couldn't plan this stuff better!
I suppose then, the other moment I realised "Oh my gosh, this is actually really happening to me" was when my family left. That was peculiar. I stood outside my new accommodation block and watched them drive away, quite literally, into the sunset. It was strange. It was so strange to see them leaving and not be going with them. To know I was now in this strange new land and I was on my own. Emotionally, that was my lowest point. I went back to my room, tried to pull myself together, went on Facebook and did what I always do when I need strength - I spoke to my friends. And that helped. That genuinely, properly helped, because my friends are the most amazing friends anyone could ever wish for. So I'm missing them a hell of a lot, but I am keeping in contact and I am grateful to have them nearby - even if that's only nearby in internet form!
After talking with them, the time finally came to bite the bullet - I had to meet new people. That was daunting. As I had said to some of my friends before coming to university, I didn't remember how to make friends anymore! I had been in the same amazing friendship group for so long, I only ever met new people through them. I hadn't had to introduce myself to total strangers since before I can remember. So, I took the necessary action in times of crisis - I went to make a cup of tea. And my cunning plan worked - other people were sat around in the kitchen, so I started talking to them. Then more people joined us and soon we were all planning to go down to the icebreaker freshers' event that was on that night. A ridiculously long time later, after we had wasted enough time waiting for other people, we got there and found tickets had sold out. Ah. So we headed to bar, where we had a few (very strong) drinks and played some table football. It was a good night and, as I kept saying, I was just so glad to have actually met people I could get on with. I do miss my friends. In fact, throughout the night, there were moments when I thought "This is going to be what everyday life is like for me now - how am I meant to keep doing this without any of my friends here?". But I managed to stop myself dwelling on that and, as I said, had a genuinely good time.
This morning, then, was a strange one. Waking up in a place that's not my home. In fact, going to sleep in that bed last night felt strange enough! This morning I have been trying to come to terms with the fact I am still here, I am staying here, and this is going to be the norm from now on. Oh, and trying to drag myself out of bed before nine o'clock without throwing up was fun too! Though I'm a bit annoyed the cleaners didn't actually come at nine, as I was told they would. I could have had a lie-in!
Well, once more unto the breach, I suppose. I'd better have something to eat, maybe drink some tea, and then I have to head off to registration.
Goodbye for now, all! Speak soon.
Anyway. It's now Day Two. I was going to write this post yesterday, but everything so far has been pretty hectic and yesterday was filled with setting up everything in my room and meeting new people. There were a few very strange moments, where this all suddenly became very real. The first one I remember was actually back home in Milton Keynes, when we were on the road and we finally left the smaller roads behind for the big main roads. (Not quite motorways, but you know the ones I mean - the roads you're only going to end up on if you're going out of town. You can tell I don't drive.) There was a moment where I realised we were leaving behind the narrower and cosier roads, surrounded by familiar buildings, and heading out into the world. And I wouldn't be coming back that night. To make the moment even more poignant, as soon as we did get onto the open road, 'The Final Countdown' started to play on my MP3 player (yeah, not iPod - suck it, Apple!). You couldn't plan this stuff better!
I suppose then, the other moment I realised "Oh my gosh, this is actually really happening to me" was when my family left. That was peculiar. I stood outside my new accommodation block and watched them drive away, quite literally, into the sunset. It was strange. It was so strange to see them leaving and not be going with them. To know I was now in this strange new land and I was on my own. Emotionally, that was my lowest point. I went back to my room, tried to pull myself together, went on Facebook and did what I always do when I need strength - I spoke to my friends. And that helped. That genuinely, properly helped, because my friends are the most amazing friends anyone could ever wish for. So I'm missing them a hell of a lot, but I am keeping in contact and I am grateful to have them nearby - even if that's only nearby in internet form!
After talking with them, the time finally came to bite the bullet - I had to meet new people. That was daunting. As I had said to some of my friends before coming to university, I didn't remember how to make friends anymore! I had been in the same amazing friendship group for so long, I only ever met new people through them. I hadn't had to introduce myself to total strangers since before I can remember. So, I took the necessary action in times of crisis - I went to make a cup of tea. And my cunning plan worked - other people were sat around in the kitchen, so I started talking to them. Then more people joined us and soon we were all planning to go down to the icebreaker freshers' event that was on that night. A ridiculously long time later, after we had wasted enough time waiting for other people, we got there and found tickets had sold out. Ah. So we headed to bar, where we had a few (very strong) drinks and played some table football. It was a good night and, as I kept saying, I was just so glad to have actually met people I could get on with. I do miss my friends. In fact, throughout the night, there were moments when I thought "This is going to be what everyday life is like for me now - how am I meant to keep doing this without any of my friends here?". But I managed to stop myself dwelling on that and, as I said, had a genuinely good time.
This morning, then, was a strange one. Waking up in a place that's not my home. In fact, going to sleep in that bed last night felt strange enough! This morning I have been trying to come to terms with the fact I am still here, I am staying here, and this is going to be the norm from now on. Oh, and trying to drag myself out of bed before nine o'clock without throwing up was fun too! Though I'm a bit annoyed the cleaners didn't actually come at nine, as I was told they would. I could have had a lie-in!
Well, once more unto the breach, I suppose. I'd better have something to eat, maybe drink some tea, and then I have to head off to registration.
Goodbye for now, all! Speak soon.
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