Busy. Busy is good. I like busy. When I'm busy, it means my mind's focussed on something happening right here and now, ergo I'm not thinking about how much I miss home/sixth form/the awesome summer holiday that has now well and truly finished. Being busy means that now, when I'm walking back from a seminar or a lecture, I'm thinking about that thing I have to read, or that essay I have to write, or the things I'm writing for fun, or that agonising pain in my leg that WILL NOT STOP from Quidditch (oh yeah, I play Quidditch now... Quidditch is cool). And I like thinking about those things (well, maybe not the Quidditch pain so much) because before I had all this stuff to keep my mind busy, those walks back to the flat were the worst part of any day. Why? Because I was alone and with nothing pressing on my mind, so my mind naturally wandered back to "I miss home" and "Okay, this has been sort of fun, now when does everything go back to how it was this time last year?"
I mean, I am enjoying uni. Like I said, playing Quidditch is brilliant, and I do get on with the people here, the course is great and I'm actually quite enjoying the whole independence thing. But it's so easy to feel cut off from everything. I can't just pop downstairs and speak to my family, or go out on my bike to some familiar place, or meet up with my friends at the weekend. And don't start with all this 'making new friends' nonsense - I have people I get on with here, but my real friends, the ones I will remain friends with for the rest of my life, are the ones I already had from my school days. It's weird - yes, these uni people are friends of a sort, but I still feel like I have to put on the 'sociable Andy' persona for them. With my friends from back home, I'm just myself. Though I can't stand this book, the best way I can think of putting this is to take (roughly) the words of Wuthering Heights - whatever our souls are made of, theirs and mine are the same (and these uni people's are as different as a moonbeam from lightning, if you want me to continue paraphrasing that soppy eighteenth century soap opera). The point is, in that big old group of friends, we're practically a hive mind! Everyone has their different 'areas of expertise' and such, sure, but generally you would have a very difficult time finding the differences between our mindsets. Whereas with this uni lot, I can talk to them and have a laugh, but there is no deep telepathic connection held together by years' worth of in-jokes and mad adventures!
But enough of that. I'm not focussing on that. I'm being busy. I have finally, somehow, found the energy to start writing again! And I'm doing something different this time. I'm trying an experimental new writing style, which is proving both fun and a little bit daunting. And once I'm done with this thing I'm writing now, I have many, many other things to be getting on with. As far as I'm concerned, now is 'go time'! I'm a writer and it's time I got writing and started doing something with said writing. Someone asked me yesterday what I wanted to do if I couldn't become a writer. To which I fumbled my way through some boring answer about getting a proper job, as if that's something I have any intention of doing. Of course, what I should have said was "Well, I AM a writer. It's not just a career choice, it's my entire being. It shapes the very way in which I see the world, in which I understand everything; my whole mind exists on the foundation of writing and fiction and the greater truths that can only be conveyed through the art of imagining stories that transcend the boundaries of reality." But he was Russian and didn't know English that well, so I didn't. Though this is another example of just how close I am with my friends and how much I need them for inspiration/motivation in my writing. This guy from my flat falls into the very large and misguided group of people who will ask me "What if you can't get a job as a writer?". My friends, on the other hand, fall into the smaller but clearly much more well-informed group of people who would say things like "When you're a famous writer working with the BBC, you will need to contact us so that we can work together on a comedy series!". And it doesn't bother me in the slightest that the group of people who don't say "If it doesn't work out..." is a much smaller group - I read a brilliant tweet about such things the other day, which said "Hitler had millions of followers, Jesus had twelve". Not that I'm comparing myself to Jesus, but I am godlike and I did get some very weird/useless gifts when I was born... Just saying! (Myrrh? What were they thinking?)
So, that's that. Writing. Writing is a thing that I am doing once more! And I intend to do as much as possible today and tomorrow, before giving myself a break from all this uni madness when I head home this weekend and get to actually spend time with my family, in my home, with my room and my bed! And in a town that doesn't view the wheel as a recent technological breakthrough...
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